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"By the time you finish this book, there will be nothing holding you back."—from the Introduction
Most people have a vision for their lives that they're not pursuing, half-heartedly pursuing, or pursuing with all their might yet somehow falling short. This vision can be modest or grand. It may involve breaking free of a destructive habit or finding a truly healthy relationship. It might have to do with making a real difference in the world or helping to lead a company to extraordinary success. In The One Thing Holding You Back, Raphael Cushnir, a leading voice in the world of personal and professional development, reveals that whenever people aren't living their dreams it's because they're not yet willing and able to feel specific emotions related to those dreams. Once we access and understand these emotions, our dreams can and will come true.
Cushnir asserts that mere emotional awareness, commonly referred to as emotional intelligence, is not enough. For maximum benefit we must directly and consistently connect with our emotions. In particular, we need to connect with the emotions we routinely avoid, resist, or attempt to dismiss. It's these emotions that possess the key to our greatest goals. And learning to connect with them is another rarely taught but essential skill.
The One Thing Holding You Back provides real solutions that can be implemented immediately and without external support and includes true stories of people who have put Cushnir's process to work and transformed their lives. Delivering a step-by-step program in accessible language, this landmark book will turn the obstacles in front of us into tremendous opportunities for achieving the life we always wanted.
- Sales Rank: #635018 in Books
- Brand: Cushnir, Raphael
- Published on: 2008-12-30
- Released on: 2008-12-30
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.25" h x .85" w x 5.50" l, .80 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 240 pages
From Publishers Weekly
Cushnir (Unconditional Bliss) introduces fascinating and iconoclastic ideas about health and healing in this book, which argues that emotions are physical. Our bodies are the only places they can ever be found. The author, a spiritual teacher, suggests treating depressions, addictions and compulsions by identifying uncomfortable physical sensations in the body as roots of suppressed emotions. His process—finding the flinch—allows people to acknowledge and connect to internal sadness, fear or anger (whenever emotions are shunned or considered inappropriate, they rule most forcefully behind the scenes), slow down and allow the feelings to arise and depart. What remains is a softer, expansive frame of mind where one can identify deeper patterns or unearth old stories without any resistance. Emotions don't need to be felt forever, or obsessively, but just long enough to have their say, contends Cushnir, who fleshes out his core concepts with a welcome abundance of profiles; case studies of using his techniques to quit everything from cigarettes to sexual addiction, and practical tips and exercises. (Jan.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From School Library Journal
Counselor and lecturer Cushnir (Setting Your Heart on Fire; Unconditional Bliss) has developed a four-step formula for achieving success and unlocking undeveloped potential. His ideas will be familiar to readers of popular psychology. He advises first connecting to an emotion, experiencing fully the corresponding physical sensation in the body, and waiting until the sensation changes before examining and analyzing. The next steps follow a continuous loop: identify the issue, imagine the worst thing that could happen, visualize the situation, feel the associated emotions, and continue the process until able to move forward. Using examples from his clients, Cushnir applies this process to problems of addiction, compulsion, and communication in relationships and in the workplace. Useful tips are given for when it may be wise to regulate emotions or postpone expressing feelings. In a final section, Cushnir imagines the benefits if emotional connection were taught in schools and used in politics. Appendixes answer questions and summarize principles, but no bibliographical references or suggestions for further reading are given. Cushnir's genius lies in his compilation of easy-to-follow principles, highlighted core concepts, and key refinements. Recommended for popular psychology collections in public libraries.—Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
“Emotions are so often misunderstood. Raphael Cushnir shows us a how to connect with our our feelings and move past the obstacles that can block our way.” (Deepak Chopra, author of Jesus: A Story of Enlightenment)
“This is a wise, practical, and liberating book.” (Jack Kornfield, author of A Path with Heart)
“The One Thing Holding You Back is just plain brilliant! Read it, apply it, and change your life!” (Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom)
“Raphael Cushnir gives readers dozens of practical tools to break through difficult emotions and make their dreams come true.” (Rick Hanson, Ph.D, The Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom)
“Cushnir’s method is deceptively simple considering the magic it unleashes.” (Gwen Gordon, Transformation Consultant)
“In this beautifully written and wise book, Raphael Cushnir spells out how resistance to emotions is often what gets in the way of our most important goals. Then, tenderly and patiently, he shows us exactly how to reconnect and break free.” (Terry Patten, co-author of Integral Life Practice)
“This is a brilliant and important book. I recommend it for everyone—lay people and professionals.” (Harville Hendrix, Ph. D. Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples)
“’The One Thing Holding You Back’ is a user’s guide to our emotional lives.By combining powerful strategies, insights into the brain and wise reflection, Raphael Cushnir offers us a true breath of fresh air and freedom.” (Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., author, "The Mindful Brain," Director, Mindsight Institute, Co-Director, UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center)
Cushnir (Unconditional Bliss) introduces fascinating and iconoclastic ideas about health and healing in this book, which argues that ‘emotions are physical. Our bodies are the only places they can ever be found.’” (Publishers Weekly)
Most helpful customer reviews
116 of 116 people found the following review helpful.
Awakening to life
By BooksAreGood
It's taken me some time to grasp the simplicity of what Raphael Cushnir is sharing. This "technique" is not about bringing up old emotions-- as another reviewer stated-- but more aptly about finally allowing the current emotion, and there's always a current (pun intended), to be experienced. And past issues emerge in the current moment, so as you meet each scary emotion, you are finally allowing the past its life--which includes its decline and death. I have, since reading his work and seeing him live, permitted myself to face the whorling/crashing/sledgehammering of emotion that at times takes me over and paralyzes me. I let it cycle through and then I open my eyes and it's like I have moved through the eery eye of the storm and survived. How clear the air is, how crisp the colors are around me.
My take-away is that I am able to expand what I am capable of experiencing so that I don't live by avoiding what brings up those emotions, emotions that I am too scared to really experience. Hello, life obligations that I feel incapable of meeting? Hello every creative technique of avoidance and procrastination that time and money will afford, hello guilt and self-blame. I have known them well.
I am in touch, in a sentient way, with the borders of my self. It's a kick if you are someone who is used to hiding out from your own self. And I say this as someone who has read alot, workshopped a lot, and searched alot for what would deliver me from my demons. I have learned immensely from all the modalities I've explored, but Raphael has helped to clarify and lovingly simplify. I finally sense that I can meet my demons (scary feelings) and sit with them. And they're not demons at all, just perhaps life as it was meant to be. Maybe the point of life is to know the contours of the human experience, and to do as little harm in that as possible--just a thought I play with. And it's all just one moment at a time.
We have been taught what to do ie, "feel your emotions" but few have taught us in detail just "how" to do that. This book is just that primer.
Thanks Raphael.
49 of 50 people found the following review helpful.
The One Thing Holding You Back
By Sherrie Stahl
This is just an amazing book. It gets to the heart of the matter, guiding you through the finer arts of "getting in touch" with the emotions you are trying to bury. Who doesn't have those? Through this process of "surfing those emotions", you come out the other side, much more alive, able to feel and connect with others. The things that were holding you back before seem to vanish.
All the ways we've been taught in school, or the ways we have lived in families who didn't want to hear what we had to say....those experiences teach us to squelch our feelings and "overcome" our negative emotions by bucking up and ignoring them. Instead, Raphael Cushnir, leads us through ways to get in touch with anything that brings up an emotion, and to actually try and feel whatever that is, until is softens. Through this process, you begin to see that emotions are your friend and that by feeling them, you actually release them. This begins to bring you clarity in life, and anything is possible. I think this is one of his best books.
28 of 28 people found the following review helpful.
Emotional Connection
By Danielle J.
Cushnir's book is right on. He offers insightful wisdom and practical advice on how to work with feeling and processing our emotions. Most of us really don't know what to do with the sensations that arise in our bodies whenever we feel sad, angry, or even joyful or at peace. Usually what we do then is eat them away, drink them away, sleep them away, or turn to any other number of numbing techniques. Cushnir shows how to be with the feelings instead, and thus feel more and more alive, as was meant to be.
Some of the design of the book is confusing. He has such a load of info, and since he doesn't condescend to the reader's intelligence, he addresses many of the gradations of emotion as well as many of the ways individuals may need to adjust their approach to connection. This requires a savvy handling and I don't think he and his editors quite pulled it off. The names he gives to things are also not so much evocative as confusing. Calling his primary method 2 x 2 for instance, for me is only evocative of a wooden board.
But, in all fairness, the emotional world is incredibly rich and complex and overall Cushnir does a wonderful job of helping the reader become comfortable with its riches. I can testify that the rewards of practicing what he teaches are indeed plentiful.
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